Bible Mad Libs

I'm kinda long winded...and I also like really understanding the context of what I'm reading/studying/learning about/interacting with. To me, that's really important... I like making up mini-stories for the Books on Tape narrators, because I don't like the idea of this bodiless voice telling me a story. I wiki everything (yes, wiki is a verb)!

It should come as no surprise that the majority of my 'contribution' to my online Bible study is a daily list of bullet points of things I learned or thought were interesting. I like structure. Sue me. :)

So, I was talking to another member of this study online and we were comparing and contrasting our methods of interacting with God's word. I was explaining that because of this slight neurosis with context and thoroughness, I have to block off a certain amount of time daily to accomplish my reading and posting. If I don't have the time to do it 'properly,' it doesn't get done until I do- which sometimes means I have to make up days and then it's this GIANT chunk of time I am devoting. I mean, don't get me wrong- I love Jesus, but 3 hours in the book of Genesis can be a bit overwhelming.

She was telling me that she just reads and lets whatever hits her... just hit her. And then, according to her, my diatribes 'fill in the blank.' Like Bible Mad Libs. And I was just thinking about what she had said and our differences in approaching The Lord of the Universe and His EPIC conversation with us. Is there a point of study and 'decoding' that you can miss the Spirit of God?

I think that God has blessed me with the proximity of His grace and Spirit as I've started this project, but I think it's important for me to remember... this is not just a great work of literature. It is the Living Word of the Lord of the Universe. May I approach this daily time in a way that desires the SPIRIT of God to fall upon me.

Dostoevsky on Suffering

"I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage, like the despicable fabrication of the impotent and infinitely small Euclidean mind of man, that in the world's finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, for the atonement of all the crimes of humanity, for all the blood that they've shed; that it will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify all that has happened."

— Fyodor Dostoevsky (The Brothers Karamazov)

Stolen from Tim Keller's sermon, Suffering: If God is good, why is there so much evil in the world?

DL it here: http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_ID=29

Just Beautiful

It took like 250 pages for it to get interesting... but I'm super glad I stuck with it!!

Eugene remained in the furnace of Norfolk for four days, until his money was gone. He watched it go without fear, with a sharp quickening of his pulses, tasting the keen pleasure of his loneliness and the unknown turnings of his life. He sensed the throbbing antennae of the world: life purred like a hidden dynamo,with the vast excitement of then thousand glorious threats. He might do all, dare all, become all. The far and the mighty was near him, around him, above him. There was no great bridge to span, no hard summit to win. From obscurity, hunger, loneliness, he might be lifted in a moment into power, glory, love.

'Look Homeward, Angel'-- Thomas Wolfe

Giving Up Grey's for Jesus

What does it look like to be radical? I'm trying to figure that out in my life right now. What's the balance between being a fundamentalist, home-schooling Christian, living with your 13 kids on a farm in the Midwest away from all possible temptation (and by definition, THE WORLD) and losing your soul to the shiny, glittery, seemingly attractive, but ultimately empty(ness) of this world? I have never walked the former... my gut reaction has been one of disdain and condescension. I have walked the latter... and without the grace and tenacity of the love of Jesus Christ would have kept on buying into the flashy delusions.

I still don't think that complete abandonment of the World is the answer. Jesus told us to be as strangers IN the world. Meaning two things: a) you must be interacting with your community and sharing the Gospel and b) you must be different. And not just like mis-matched shoes different, but like foreigner different. Like you don't speak the same language, have the same customs, hold the same values. You are radical. Ultimately, the goal is that "Christ"ians look like their namesake. The goal of those saved by grace should be to pursue righteousness and bring glory to God. That should look radically different from our natural tendencies to pursue money/sex/success/popularity/power and bringing glory to ourselves.

So, being radical looks different for everyone. Joshua Harris kissed dating goodbye. Ed Dobson attempted to live like Jesus in diet, appearance, and even voting habits for an entire year. The Summit Church of Durham gave almost one million dollars to missions in December 2009, during a plummeting economy. What does being radical look like for me? I want kindness and mercy to be the attributes that characterize me. I want to passionately pursue holiness... not so that I can hold myself up as a moral standard to my world, but so that I can point to the Giver of all good things and say, "To HIM be the glory!"

After living with myself for almost 28 years, I've gotten to know my personality and habits pretty well. I'm not a strong person. I have a strong personality... that part is true. But I'm not strong. I am not (yet!?) a person who can hold fast to my belief system while constantly exposing myself to another. I am a fantastic mimicker; I will just about latch on to anything that looks 'cool' to me at the time. So, with this said... to follow God and pursue righteousness, I've been assessing some of my habits and desires, evaluating what brings life and pushes me closer to the Living God.

My conclusion? I have entertainment habits that lead me to buy into other worldviews. I watch TV and movies that glorify romance and lust as the ultimate satisfaction. I listen to music that fills my ears with language that hinders my ability to have a holy tongue. I read books that bring despair to my soul with graphic descriptions of murder and the truly evil. Not all TV is evil. Not all music is the Devil's. And not all books need to be tossed into a protest bonfire held in front of your local library. But, God is touching my heart, softening my soul, lowering my tolerance for evil... because it's just all so empty next to the fullness of His grace.

With all this said... I'm giving up Grey's. I'm giving up Gossip Girl. These are two shows that I have watched for 'brain candy,' just the opportunity to check out and not engage in anything heavy. But, ya know... they are just BAD for my spirit. Worst case scenario: I buy into those value systems. Best case scenario: I waste time that could be spent growing in Christ.

The purpose of this blog? Hold me accountable. If you think all this God stuff is malarky anyway, hold me accountable to rub it in my face if I fail. :) If you are sketchy on the whole Christian premise, but think that ANYTHING is worth pursuing over crappy Primetime soap operas, hold me accountable for the sake of creativity and hobby superiority. If you resonate at all with any of the questions I am asking and the journey I am trying to navigate, hold me accountable for Christ's sake.

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will be faithful to carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."-Phil 1:6

True Story

I use my Blog List and Links I Stalk categories as a bookmark list :) You should too.

Side note... I ordered Stockholm Syndrome and it came today. I ordered it for the song, "What Matters More", which was apparently silenced. Not a happy camper....

Another side-r note.... switched the doglets over to Orijen today. A 29.7lb bag cost me $63. They better crap gold....

That is all. I am off to read about Job. He had it worse than me...

Serendipity...aka God Cares

So, today I invited a traveling co-worker my couch to crash on tonight. She went out with a friend and I went over to Will's to watch Project Runway. (sidenote, SO glad that Cristiane was knocked out... couldn't stand her.... and also my favorite design won... where do I find that dress?!?!?) So, the girl calls when we are have ab 30 min left and is back at the house and the dogs are going nuts. I told her just to firmly tell them to be quiet and hear them tearing around and her asking them if they want to come back inside. I told her that they prolly needed to go potty and could go outside. Well, two seconds after my phone call ended, I realized that I hadn't told her to let them BACK in... and since both are chronic fence jumpers, this is an issue. I called back immediately, but got no answer. So, I told Will I probably needed to go and make sure they weren't terrorizing my guest and all that jazz. I get home... and they are goooone. I drove around for about 20 min looking for them at midnight. I didn't want to call out too loud bc it was late, but I was calling their names anyways. After calling Will and freaking out... I just began to make big loops around surrounding streets. After 20 min, I had this DUH moment and realized I had not said one word of prayer... so, I did "God,I pray that you will help me find my dogs." I was on a street I had been on 5 min prior calling their names and I swear, I heard the brush rustle over the sound of my car engine. I called again and Mazzy comes bounding out of the woods. After grabbing her, Brandtson came cautiously around the corner. I was so struck by how IMMEDIATE that answer was. They were prolly in that same area when I called their name the first time. But, God really showed me blessing in honoring Him with prayer.


Then, Brandtson chewed up my favorite purse tonight.... after about an hour search online, I found it! ONE, in Kansas, where my friend lives and can go pick it up for me! http://kansascity.craigslist.org/clo/1510951701.html...its the brown one!! This also makes me happy. Sometimes I think that God just likes to see us smile. Even if it is over material, pretty things.

OH!!!! and the biggest thing, I almost forgot. About a month ago, Facebook ate an album I had posted of our trip to Va Beach for my bday. There were tons of pics of Buff that were just corrupted and missing. I was heartbroken when I realized.... Today, we realized that Will had never deleted them from his memory card!! I could not be happier!!!!

So Powerful...

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/MediaPlayer/1371/Audio/

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin' Down the River

Very excited about the beginning of this New Year in a lot of ways. I am rockin out my resolutions... except for the sewing machine... haven't made it that far yet :)

I am well on my way to 6 smoke free days and it is getting easier and less announcement worthy each day. I have had to kinda steer clear of Will more than usual, but he has actually been very helpful by taking his smoking outside when we hang out at his dad's. Other than actually trying to quit himself (which I would LOOOOVEE!!!) I suppose this is about as supportive as it gets in sub-freezing temperatures!

My online Bible study is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!!! I am overwhelmed by how God has ignited a passion in my for His words and at how He is allowing me to revel in who He is. I am so pumped about the girls I am involved with and how they are experiencing faith and prayer in a new, real, and powerful way. I was very interested to see how this whole scenario would turn out, being on the internet. On one hand, we don't know each other and aren't conversing face to face, so there seems to be an impersonality there. On the other... it's the internet. People tell each other all sorts of weird and crazy things. It has the potential, bc of its very anonymity to allow real truth to be spoken without the awkwardness of face to face interaction. So far, it seems that God is really allowing the second to bear fruit in our group! I am just thrilled, thrilled, thrilled!

I've been off work all week, so that has allowed me to really take plenty of time doing things that I'm trying to make habitual (cooking, reading scripture). I've enjoyed having the time, but am totally starting to freak out about not working! I was supposed to be in Roanoke this weekend, picking up a little extra money, but they canceled the entire gig! On one hand, I am glad to not be driving back and forth every day to get back for the Rosebuds shows. On the other...coulda used the money!

So psyched about the Rosebuds this weekend! Going off to read some more in 'Look Homeward Angel," while eating my roasted chicken, with hummus and carrot sticks!

Never too late for a little Awesome....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk4woNRD7NQ

Highs, Lows, and Resolve

So, this Christmas, Will and I were invited to a Christmas dinner of some people that we didn't know very well. We went and they were extremely gracious and hospitable and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves (even with 2 of said family members not joining celebrations due to the stomach flu!). As we ate dinner, they went around the table and asked everyone their High and Low of the year. I thought that was pretty neat and quickly begin scouring 2009 for the juciest tidbits. While my low listed here will remain the same, I told Will later that I did not reveal my true High... I'm pretty sure it was not because I was ashamed, but more because I just didn't know these people... and didn't want to get all heavy and over the top at their Christmas dinner. But, here they are...

Low- Hands down, losing Buffy. It was probably the most heart-breaking experience I have ever gone through. I know several of the (2 hehe) readers that come across this blog donated to her treatment. For that, I am infinitely thankful... It gave me another 3.5 months of pretty good health with her. She was such a fantastic dog and I will hold her in my heart forever.

High- For the first time in close to/over a decade, I know EXACTLY where I stand in relation to Christ- and it's under the shadow of the cross. God has been ridiculously patient with me as I stuffed everything this world has to offer in my heart, trying to find the fit that gives peace. He has protected me from myself and shielded me from many of the consequences of my sin. I am thrilled to be finishing out '09 and starting '10 in the Joy of the Lord. I also know that this covering of grace is due in part to the prayers of family and friends. There are no words to express my gratitude at your perseverance.

In light of those revelations, I was struck by the sermon at my church a few weeks ago, which was speaking on the difference between resolve and resolution. Resolve is not a thing, an item, a to do list. Resolve is the grit inside you (and with the help of God) that you apply towards the process of santification. I think you can apply this resolve to many resolutions... even if the resolution does not seem to be actively seeking Christ, in a traditional sense. I believe that this world was created for man to enjoy with God. I believe that anything we do to enjoy creation and surrounding life, while glorifying our Creator is santifying. So, here are some of the things I am resolved to:

1) Reading through the Bible Chronologically in One Year-
As a generation, I believe we have some of the most 'religious' people, who know little to nothing about the doctrine they speak. Following 'debates' on social networking forums regarding religion or politics looks generally the same to me.... spew the jargon of whatever social commentator you happened to catch 5 minutes of while channel surfing. Whether you look to Hannity or Stewart, you allow your entire political identity to be labeled by biased information. Research your opinion! Being liberal in the aughts is like being conservative in the 80's... it's the cool thing to do. Know why you believe what you believe, research positions and platforms, and educate yourself.

The same philosophy applies to religion. KNOW what you believe. KNOW why you believe it. KNOW the God you claim to serve. This knowledge will increase your resolve. I am engaging the Scripture in a group of about 7-8 girls via an online Bible Study to fit our super busy schedules. I am hoping it is just a fantastic experience and God blows away any of our expectations.

2) Quitting Smoking- Uggghh... I quit for 3 years...and started up about a year and a half ago. It is a really nasty habit and I am at the point where I hate the taste and feel of the smoke AS I am doing it. I haven't smoked a cigarette in 2010...and hope to make it through my first week with flying colors... doesn't 7 days make a habit?

3) Get my sewing machine out and set up by Feb 1- I got a sewing machine for my birthday... April 30... and have not taken it out of the box.... I'm really terrible about things like that. I need to get it set up and play around with it, so that I can start ripping up these promo shirts to make my quilt!

4) Set 3 quarterly goals each quarter :) Starting out, my goals through the end of March are to stay strong on reading God's word, be done with the nasty nicotine, and get my sewing machine set up. Once those are established as habit, I can begin looking for other things to change in order to live simply, find joy, and follow God.