We're high above but on the floor.....

Broken. My heart, my world. In a time when I have more people than I can ever remember surrounding me, things to do at all times, stable living, no school stress... and I am more alone than I can remember being in a long time.

I'm currently without a job... at least a 9-5er. I just picked up a few shifts at the 'Star. It was my first job... I began there and I may die there :) I was honest with them about my availability and the fact that once I start a 'real' job again, I will keep 1-2 shifts a week, but not pledge my allegiance to the corporation. In 'real job' news, I was offered a position at an executive staffing firm that seems very promising. I also am interviewing for another position at an attorney's office tomorrow morning, where the salary is about what I was making before, plus benefits. With a few serving shifts a week, I should be able to get on my feet and accomplish my goal of paying off my car this year!

Nate and I are over. It's hard to let that dream die as I remember just a year ago at the love we shared. I don't know what happened, just that we changed. I know I did.... and I feel like his deployment changed him much more than I thought it would. I assumed that this being his third tour, he would have faced all the demons and he would be strong. He is different and unhappy. I am no longer what he wants... and I don't want the man that the war returned to me. The breakup is amicable. We both love each other very much, but are headed for different dreams.... the sad part is I know what mine are, but he doesn't. I hope for his sake that those dreams, whatever they may be, are greater than the dreams he once had of our life together.

In light of these developments, I am kicking myself for not going ahead and moving to Boulder 2 months ago. I stayed for a job and a boy- both of which have disappointed me. I will stay here for another year, bc honestly at this point, I don't have the money to leave. I do enjoy my living situation and the friends I've made in the past few months. I can eek out a tolerable life here, but am dreaming of the day when I blow this popsicle stand! Boulder for a year, SLC or Portland for grad school, and then Australia or Vancouver, or wherever the wind blows me!

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I make this transition!

Go Nate, Go Nate, Go!!

Congrats to my boy for getting his 90-day card and being eligible for Jumpmaster school.... even if he doesn't really want to go :-/

He should know within a month or so what the future hold for him in the army, as far as whether he is staying at Bragg (and deploying for another year in March) or transferring to another assignment (and adding 2 more years onto his commitment). Both are pretty sucktastic choices...I just hope I can be loving and supportive through this mess.

In happier times... .