Broken. My heart, my world. In a time when I have more people than I can ever remember surrounding me, things to do at all times, stable living, no school stress... and I am more alone than I can remember being in a long time.
I'm currently without a job... at least a 9-5er. I just picked up a few shifts at the 'Star. It was my first job... I began there and I may die there :) I was honest with them about my availability and the fact that once I start a 'real' job again, I will keep 1-2 shifts a week, but not pledge my allegiance to the corporation. In 'real job' news, I was offered a position at an executive staffing firm that seems very promising. I also am interviewing for another position at an attorney's office tomorrow morning, where the salary is about what I was making before, plus benefits. With a few serving shifts a week, I should be able to get on my feet and accomplish my goal of paying off my car this year!
Nate and I are over. It's hard to let that dream die as I remember just a year ago at the love we shared. I don't know what happened, just that we changed. I know I did.... and I feel like his deployment changed him much more than I thought it would. I assumed that this being his third tour, he would have faced all the demons and he would be strong. He is different and unhappy. I am no longer what he wants... and I don't want the man that the war returned to me. The breakup is amicable. We both love each other very much, but are headed for different dreams.... the sad part is I know what mine are, but he doesn't. I hope for his sake that those dreams, whatever they may be, are greater than the dreams he once had of our life together.
In light of these developments, I am kicking myself for not going ahead and moving to Boulder 2 months ago. I stayed for a job and a boy- both of which have disappointed me. I will stay here for another year, bc honestly at this point, I don't have the money to leave. I do enjoy my living situation and the friends I've made in the past few months. I can eek out a tolerable life here, but am dreaming of the day when I blow this popsicle stand! Boulder for a year, SLC or Portland for grad school, and then Australia or Vancouver, or wherever the wind blows me!
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I make this transition!
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1 comment:
yay- its so good to see you. And I love that as I read your blog, you did your "in fact" thing- I think I picked that up for like 2 months after hearing you say that all weekend. Anyway, thanks for visiting my blog- it gets sort of lonely over there sometimes!
And I KNOW- can you believe that comment from Bag, Borrow or Steal? I have to tell you it worked though- she sort of made me feel shamed a bit.
Now that I know you have a blog, I plan on stalking you too! Ash
PS- sorry about you and Nate.
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